inner revolution.
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my reasons.
At some point between middle school and highschool I got disillusioned with trying to fit in. Took up the external 'rebellion'' and wore it proudly: dyed hair, political slogan t-shirts, punk rock and all. This youthful idealism that I so wholeheartedly embraced, lead me to discover the straightedge lifestyle. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't fuck.... sounded simple - and pure - enough for me. But temptation after temptation in a frustrated young mind can force one to face desires within themselves that they may have never thought existed. This was surely my delima, and in order not to 'fall victim of normalcy', which i was so deathly afraid of, I searched for a forum to extinguish the questions and desires that grew inside, like an inferno, as each day passed. Books, lectures, discussions and debates... life became a full time search to discover one worth living. Most of the worthwhile guidance that I received came from the liner notes of punk bands... some may laugh, but the simplicy and courage that it takes to make a stand, be honest about what how one feels, and share with others what one go's/went through, spoke volumes... for me finding punkrock was like discovering a goldmine... youth of today, warzone, shelter, ignite, minor threat, and countless others. Their songs came to be a torch light for inner growth. Four years slip through my hands in the blink of an eye. The rollercoster ride of highschool abruptly ends, left looking through a different hour glass... a much bleaker one that I wasn't perpared to accept. I delved deeper into theology and philosophy, allowing for it to become my full-time function. What I discovered has proven to set the cornerstone of who I am today and was essential in solidifying convictions that I had already embraced. However, immaturity held me back from becoming the person that I wanted to become. Independence day 98', this abruptly changed. When I was 19 years of age, a deadly car accident fell shy of claiming four of my close friends lives, as well as my own. The responsibility rest solely upon my shoulders. To face death like that was overwhelmingly sobering.... bringing with it a major turning point: The conscious decision to put into action what I have learned. I had grown up, and the external rebellion of my youth evolved into to an internal o one. After much discerning and introspection about the accident realized how precious time really is. That it shouldn't be squandered trying to enjoy fading reality, but rather to uncover the mysteries of life. To truly think and feel. To express ourselves to the highest potential. Experience true happiness. To search for the answers to the questions of life: Why are we here? Is there a purpose to all of this? Is this all we have? To laugh and cry, feel whole and know what it is like to taste PURE love. These things have become the premise of my life... THESE are my reasons..._________________________________________________________________________