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inner revolution.
brainwaves. archives

brainwaves. current    I       6.2001 to 9.2001
every breath
Every breath is a step towards death.                                                                                                     
Each moment as precious as the next.
Won't let them go to waste.                                                                                                
While a fool lets them pass away.
These golden  fragments of time.
Watch potential slip into obscurity.
The sinful temptation to drown in apathy.
But I will not give in.
Reach for my goals.
Strive for perfection and stick to my guns.
Success is achieved that when the last breath arrives,
I know I'll be thinking of You.

Waves of Separation
In the morning when I wake,
when I take that first conscious breath of morning air,
joy and energy enter my veins. I feel so alive.
Yet as the day goes by it all fades away.
And as each tired bone drags through the door,
it hits home... all that remains is despair.
Like waves of separation...
I have forgotten You, tasted that pain
Now I long to be with You.
These waves I can no longer bear,
With this in mind I pray.
Take me home.

Suffocated so long it hurts to breathe.
And I have forgot the taste of freedom, almost bitter.
These stones I dumped off on myself, then pulled off to quick.
I am addicted to the torture now.
Relief hurts even more.
Can't imagine how others bear their pain.
More time... means more stones... means more suffocation.
Then instantly the gasp of air fills their lungs.
And it is as if they can drown from the very thing that they longed for.
While others are crushed by losing hope.
Strength comes from being able to face the pain.
And eventually I'll be able to inhale deep again.
But I will never be so foolish enough to suffocate again.

Consciousness traded for a flickering screen and sound vibrations that suck our earnings away with each thirty second moment. While we sit in obedience without a whisper, down the conveyer belt and into our mouths, onto our bodies, and in our homes. Numb from the pain endured to create our new bundle of joy. Oblivious to the eight foot high barbed wire fences and breathing assault rifles that patrol the parameter wall. Oblivious to the years spent in cages not fit for bacteria and the fate of smashed skulls by a hammer that is stained by blood of the same species. Overlooked because it is untold. Hidden behind the smile of the perfect people and our false temporary gods whom line our billboards, movie screens, newspapers, magazines, and television sets. Enough to make a grown man cry out "GOD WHY!?!" And if the mask was finally torn away so that we face the gruesome reality of the suffering and torture that these precious creatures must endure, would we do something about it? Would we use our powers and combat against this
atrocity? Would we sacrifice our vanity so that others may have more peaceful lives? Would we sacrifice our overindulgent sense pleasures so that others may simply live? Will we stop sucking on the poison that lines the oppressors pockets? Will we finally put an end to the careless activities that rip apart our soul? And if the mask was finally torn away would we have the courage to slap our zombie-like existence aside, and let the real us out? Kill the virus that plagues us? Teach our offspring to veer away from the path which we have been so haphazardly led down? And if we had the opportunity, would we have the heart to change? WOULD WE HAVE THE HEART TO CHANGE?

The beautiful sound of Your name.
It strips away all the pain...
Get intoxicated, leave this dead flesh.
Just for a moment...
to taste eternity.
Everything else seems so tasteless now.
And no, it isn't meditation all day.
Live a life of boredom, contemplation, restriction.
That is death... flesh.
No... that is the last thing on my mind.
Concentrate on something higher.
More like Freedom. Completeness.
Beg for that taste.
But how much?
Nails driven through this skull will evoke screams indeed... louder than you could imagine.
Wish it was as easy as driving those nails...
right into my head.
The tastelessness consumes, absorbs.
But just to let go...
once more taste again...
mutter Your name.
And let go.

Weakness overcomes in these moments of despair. As it seems like this virtually invincible
armor that I have constructed shatters all too often:
"I have no armor - benevolence and integrity are my armor"
Integrity- I wish that I could say that I have lived the definition. I veer from the path and compromise too much and it burns deep. Too many times do I let my own defects get the best of me. At the time that I am most vulnerable, I put my guards down... and the weakness takes over. It enters and eats away... killing me softly. I have no excuses. Yet I persist in turning away... If I can only find a way to hold on to.

October skies
Depression has its ways of killing me.
It seeps through at every crevice it can get.
Destroy any desire or drive...
Who ever said this path is gonna be a cake walk?
This agitation stands for a reason, i'm sure.
A reminder...
But only the best of the best remain...
Drown in my miseries and fall in to illusion,
or fight the good fight?
I'm sick of all this...
Where's my sword?

Coming To Terms
So much sin and pain in the past.
Come to terms...
Hide behind the veil of saintliness.
While the desire, the seed of deceit,
deeply implanted within lives and grows.
Eating away on the inside.
But the covering which seems so real,
the circus act that we put on for everyone else...
Lifetimes of work... built up to impress,
so that others will caress -
the ego -
Doomed to feed off of others miseries,
and drown in our tears of pain alone.
The cause of this condition...
the seed thrives off of this and grows stronger.
Easier to walk the earth for an eternity,
than tear it out and face up to who we really are.
That is painful... can't stand to hear what must be done.
Kill false ego.
Come to terms with the past.
There is no other way.
Make the change.
The seed dries up.
Withers away.
All that's left is a mirror.
at that once mangled form.

New Virndavan
Jewel in the desert.
Lies within the forest.
Atop the hill, into the valley, an inconceivable amount of love...
covered by a thick layer of a deviant past.
Castle fit for the grandest king.
Sets gleaming over the terrain.
And that's what they made you...
on the exterior.
While deep within they desire to wear the crown for themselves.
Labor of lust crumbles walls away.
Opulence turns to dust.
Tape recorded messages, an image of the truth.
Repeat themselves time after time.
And there you sit within wrapped tightly in this marble wonder of the world,
unmoved by the wrath of destruction.
Removed from the shadow of reflection.
There you sit as an example to us all,
to pierce through the impermiance of temporal...
and taste the sweetness of that inconceivable...
to look past the jewel in the desert
and deep within discover the jewel of the heart.

Torn in two
All to pacify this burning desire for something real, our cry for liberation. But we're still encaged and that longing remains however faint. Screaming for relief from the torment of this cruel cold world falls on deaf ears, only to cause us to endeavor for deafness ourselves. Wrapped up tightly and imprisoned within this skin. Amounts to ashes and dust... blows away with the slightest gush of wind. Yet we act like we remain forever... Yet we coat these iron shackles in gold, paint a pretty picture of how "perfect" life is, hold it up for everyone to see. BURN IT ALL DOWN! It's worth nothing in the end.... act in truth for at least one moment, act in truth and we nature will be revealed. Act in truth and remove the mental anguish of plastic promises... Act in truth and strike a chord of love in this heart.

I Bark
So quick to jump at the first chance to speak.
Act like I hold all the answers.
“Sit back in your seat and learn from me, Mr. Insignificant Passion”.
But what do I really know?
Do I know what YOU lived through?
What kind of pain/pleasure you have experienced?
I have the slightest clue.
When will I put pride aside?
Maybe if I could shut my big mouth and open my ears just once,
then I could truly learn something...
truly learn something worthwhile.

The glitter and glamor,
diamonds are forever.
Paint a picture…
worth a thousand words.
Actions worth a thousand pictures.
But that is all it is.
Load it up with empty promises.
But tear it down, tear it off.
The masks we create.
So hollow.
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